


The Great Red Genie Inuyasha

by ClaireShepardHKKY



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Djinni & Genies, Funny, Gen, Humor, I'm not sure how I feel about this, Request Meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 13:04:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11059563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaireShepardHKKY/pseuds/ClaireShepardHKKY
Summary: Kaede sends Inuyasha on a mission to find and collect several dangerous artifacts. He goes off alone, because, what the heck could go wrong, right?In which Inuyasha spends time living the life of a lonely genie and his friends do not take pity on him.





	The Great Red Genie Inuyasha

**Author's Note:**

> This was a fic request I was sent via Tumblr, for ironbar36! I hope it's okay!

The Great Red Genie Inuyasha

 

 

. . .

 

He was going to throttle the old hag Kaede for this, you mark his words. Inuyasha had been under the impression that this little jaunt to the middle of nowhere would be quick and painless. He would grab what the old woman wanted, something about artifacts of great power that could bring ruin to them all, blah, blah, blah. Inuyasha had stopped listening about half-way through. He was not at all interested in some ancient trinkets but he'd taken the mission simply so he had something to do – and shutting the old woman up was an added bonus.

 

He'd gone out alone, his cockiness in full swing. This would be easy, he'd thought. He'd grab them, get out of dodge, and the old hag could smuggle them away somewhere no one would find them.

 

It was the perfect distraction until Kagome came back. Hopefully with ramen...and those things she called potato crisps.

 

It had taken a few days trek to reach the general location Kaede had given him. From there he'd spent a ridiculous (as well as irritating) amount of time finding where the artifacts were located. But when he had he'd instantly regretted it.

 

The little hut was built into the side of a mountain, the wood somehow withstanding the test of time and the high winds and rains that seemed to permeate this place. The bones of long dead bandits lay scattered about and Inuyasha had kicked them out of his path disdainfully – weaklings, the whole lot of them.

 

And so it was with that misplaced confidence that Inuyasha and strode into the hut like he'd owned the place. At first, nothing happened. He took stock of his surroundings, noting the exorbitant amount of gold and nick-knacks and general junk that was strewn about the hut. Miroku would be in heaven here, he thought.

 

And in retrospect, when a disembodied voice began to whisper to him, calling out his name, he figured he should have thought twice about bringing the monk along. Perhaps even Sango too.

 

He whirled around, looking around wildly for the source of the voice, but found nothing. No demons came to attack him, or ghosts, or ghouls. So with a curl of his lip and a huff, Inuyasha ignored whatever the hell it was and went about his business.

 

He wasn't scared of some stupid poltergeist anyway.

 

He dug around among the junk for awhile. He was looking for four specific items – an amulet, a ring, a dagger, and some kind of lantern. Or had it been a lamp? Inuyasha wasn't sure. And it didn't really matter. They were practically the same thing anyway.

 

After finding only two of the items in question, the demon became frustrated and started throwing things. He paid no mind to what he picked up, he just tossed it aside until he'd formed all new piles of gold and nick-knacks (junk, as he called it). That was, until his hands touched something smooth and cold and that voice that had plagued him for the past half an hour now became louder.

 

Inuyasha looked down at the solid object in his hand and frowned. He supposed it could pass as a lamp. Although it didn't really look like it had a place for a candle or a flame. He held it by its handle and gave it a good shake.

 

A moment later he felt a tug somewhere near his navel and next thing he knew he was being sucked into a vortex. He would be lying later, when he recounted the story to Kagome, that he hadn't screamed like a sissy.

 

Inuyasha tumbled out of thin air, falling into some tiny room that consisted of a single chair and a small porthole that was used to view the outside world. He spun around slow, looking in every direction and finding no escape other than that one hole, which he surely would not fit through. So how the hell had he gotten in here in the first place? If Inuyasha hated anything, it was magical objects.

 

“Welcome half-breed!” That voice! Inuyasha recognized that damned voice!

 

He whirled around and now a man stood where there hadn't been one before, behind the single chair, his hands resting on its back. A too wide smile stretched his face. Wary, Inuyasha reached for his sword only to find it missing. That's when the panic set in.

 

“Where the hell am I and who the hell are you?!”

 

The man didn't answer, he just gestured to the chair and said, “Please, won't you take a seat?”

 

“No,” said Inuyasha flatly. Did this guy think he was some kind of idiot?

 

“It wasn't a request,” said the man.

 

In the next instant Inuyasha found himself in that one (extremely uncomfortable, he'd like to add) chair, with shackles around his wrists and legs. He kicked and yelled and tried to take swings at the giggling man now standing in front of him, but to no avail.

 

The bastard twirled his handlebar mustache around a finger, still laughing. “I've waited a long time for someone stupid enough to come along and shake this damnedable lamp!”

 

He went skipping around the chair, singing, “I'm finally free! I'm finally free!”

 

And then ground to halt in front of Inuyasha again, “And you, you stupid fool, are stuck here!”

 

“Like hell I am!”

 

The man waggled a finger at the demon and then winked. He turned tail and ran, throwing himself through the tiny opening provided by the porthole. Inuyasha watched, stunned, as the slimy bastard somehow managed to stuff himself into it and then out. He could hear him cackling in the distance, inciting his anger further.

 

For a time afterwards Inuyasha thrashed in that chair. He tried to break the legs, the armrests, anything to free himself. None of it worked. Because even though it looked like an ordinary chair it was apparently magic. No amount of force would cause it to break.

 

For what felt like an eternity Inuyasha sat there. And watched. And waited. He thought he would go crazy.

 

Until...

 

He wasn't certain how much time had passed. At least a few days, he figured. When the vessel he was trapped in was lifted, carried off, and then finally whoever had picked him up rubbed the lamp.

 

Once again the vortex opened and once again Inuyasha felt that almost sickening pull at his navel. He went shooting out of the lid of the lamp and reformed in the outside world. The shackles were still on his wrists and legs, but at least he could breathe in some fresh air now.

 

“Well, would you look at that! A genie! A real life genie!”

 

Inuyasha blinked once...then twice...and a third time for good measure. The old man standing before him was too excited for his taste. “Have you gone off your rocker, old man? Can't you tell I'm a demon?”

 

But he ignored him completely. “You have to grant me three wishes, don't you Great Red Genie? That's what the legends say.”

 

Great Red Genie? This guy really was batshit crazy.

 

But a niggling at the back of Inuyasha's mind caused him pause. His mouth opened of its own accord and against his will he said, “I will grant you three wishes. There are no exceptions and only a single rule – you cannot ask for more wishes. Now, what is the first thing you desire?”

 

Inuyasha's lips curled back in disgust. What the hell was that?!

 

The old man rubbed his hands together eagerly, “I wish to be rich!”

 

Inuyasha rolled his eyes – how original.

 

With a snap of his clawed fingers the man's clothing changed from rags to beautiful silks. His old worn out cart, pulled by one sickly mule, was transformed into a giant ornate carriage. The mule turned into a strong and sleek black stallion.

 

“But...where is the gold?” asked the old man.

 

Inuyasha shrugged, “Try looking wherever you came from.”

 

The half demon had hoped the man would rush off and leave him behind, but he took up the lamp and opened the lid. Inuyasha was sucked back inside and there he sat once again for several hours.

 

When he was finally released it was to discover that he'd been right and the old man's home was now a mansion fitting of a lord, instead of a weary old farmer.

 

His next two wishes were just as unsavory. He asked for a doting wife, that was also beautiful as well as obedient. And the final wish was for the death of some dignitary that had cast the man out of his home for being unable to pay his taxes.

 

Once the three wishes were granted Inuyasha came to learn that he would be transported back to the lamp. He would not be allowed out again until it was passed to another person. And then another and another.

 

It went on in this fashion for weeks.

 

He would grant the wishes and be on his merry way. The lamp had a knack for getting lost once the owner had used up its power. And Inuyasha had yet to find a single one that did not use the wishes all at once.

 

It was truly pathetic how often money was the first wish. And even more pathetic that these weaklings asked for another person to die. Or for a good wife, because they were too useless to go out and find one on their own.

 

He fell in the hands of humans and demons alike.

 

And soon enough it grew old.

 

He wondered what the others were up to and longed for a campfire where he sat beside Kagome and ate the cup ramen she always brought back from her time. He hoped Shippo was safe with Sango and Miroku, though he would never admit it aloud. And that the two of them were with Kagome, keeping her company in his absence.

 

It seemed he was doomed to live this life now.

 

Or so he thought.

 

Until one day he fell into the hands of a new owner.

 

When the lamp was rubbed and he was released he didn't even bother to look at the bastard who had summoned him. Instead, he popped out with his pinky digging into his ear canal, eyes closed and a sneer on his face.

 

He recited the same crap he had every single time, “Blah, blah, you get three wishes but don't ask for more because you can't have them, you greedy bastard.”

 

“Inuyasha?” the voice sounded as if it were holding back laughter.

 

His eyes snapped open and to his utter shock his friends were the ones who had summoned him. He didn't know if he should be thankful for this turn of events or embarrassed. Every single one of them looked like they were valiantly trying not to laugh in his face.

 

“Oh, this is rich,” said Miroku, a conspiracy already brewing in his eyes.

 

“Look at the trouble you've gotten into this time!” said Kagome, her hands on her hips and an angry frown on her face that was a poor attempt at hiding the mirth in her eyes. Shippo sat on her shoulder, his hands covering his mouth to hide his laughter.

 

And Sango just shook her head, disappointed but grinning.

 

But Inuyasha, deciding that he didn't care if it got him out of this mess, jumped at the chance to finally be free, because surely his friends would wish to get him out of the lamp! “Just ask for me to go free and this will all be over,” he said, a smug grin stretching across his lips.

 

“What do you think guys?” asked Miroku, turning to the two women and the tiny fox.

 

“Make him suffer,” all three answered simultaneously.

 

“What? Come on! No! Kagome, please...” he would resort to whining if he had to, so sick he was of that damned lamp.

 

But an evil little grin on her lips told Inuyasha everything he needed to know.

 

Their first wish ended up being a unanimous vote to have him do something embarrassing. He was forced to stand on top of the highest tree and crow like a rooster until he drew the attention of some of the villagers in Kaede's tiny town. They came to the tree of course, to point and laugh. He would make sure they regretted insulting him later, once he had his free will back.

 

The second wish wasn't any better. And it had come from Kagome. She asked for an apology for every time Inuyasha had insulted her. And she meant _every_ single time.

 

It took quite awhile. And he was left irritated and blushing.

 

By then he had no hopes his friends would release him and would instead just pass him from one to the other until they all had their fill of humiliating him.

 

Luckily for Inuyasha, they were not so cruel.

 

Kagome spoke the final wish – asking to free Inuyasha from his servitude to the lamp. The shackles broke and disappeared. The lamp lost its magic. And Inuyasha shouted at the moon that he was finally free after what felt like so long.

 

Later that evening, they sat around the fire, Inuyasha eating the ramen he had dreamed about for days on end inside the lamp – his reward for putting up with their jokes.

 

Kaede hit him with a ladle in passing and said, “Next time, do not be so quick to rush off on your own.”

 

“Bah, it's your fault you old hag.”

 

She hit him harder for the insult and then turned to Miroku. “And you should thank the monk for _safely_ retrieving the artifacts before something worse occurred.”

 

“Worse?! I was stuck in that stupid lamp for weeks! What's worse than that?!”

 

“Oh, I don't know Inuyasha, perhaps people dying? The world ending?”

 

“Over those dumb pieces of junk? Doubtful,” he said, slurping up another mouthful of his supper.

 

Kagome rolled her eyes at him and shook her head. “You're so thick headed,” she said. “Did getting stuck in that lamp teach you nothing?”

 

Inuyasha grinned at her, “It taught me there are men who are even worse lechers than Miroku.”

 

“Are you saying I could have wished for unlimited women to bear my children?”

 

There was a collective groan around the room.

 

“Give it a rest monk,” said Sango.

 

“You are disgraceful, Miroku,” added Kagome.

 

With their attention diverted to the monk, Inuyasha took his chance to steal Shippo's forgotten cup ramen and take off with it. He knew when Kagome noticed because her shrill yell of his name could have been heard for miles.

 

And it was well worth the “sit” she screamed afterwards.

 

It was sure nice to be home.

 

**Fin.**

 

 


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